I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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