It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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