I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
