Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
