So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
