im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
