i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
