I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
