what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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