I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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