I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize