k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
