We named our party play list daddy issues
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
