why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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