I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
