onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
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So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
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