he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
