I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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