Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
