Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
