I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
