Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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