is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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