Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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