Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
