so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
