I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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