Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
