I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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