so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
