I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
