Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
