I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I wish my penis had an off switch
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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