He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
