I am in a vortex of obligation.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
