I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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