I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
