Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
