My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
