What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
