Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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