God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
