it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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