Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
