Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
