I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this just has baby written all over it
my shit smells like andre
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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