At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
