i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize