32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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