I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
