Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
