Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
