Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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