Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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