Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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