when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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