It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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