Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
