Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
high people should be assigned attendants
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
well, you know. whores of a feather.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
