I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
