She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
