I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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