I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I will be naked everywhere
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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