Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
