Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
