im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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