even my farts smell like vagina
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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