if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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