Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
